Give the gift of excruciating pain!

It's like Groupon has access to my brain. How did they know I wanted a manicure that would polish up my nails real pretty, but also provide me with Wolverine-like claws perfect for self-defense? I mean, who wouldn't wanna walk around with razor-sharp claws? Sure, getting everyday tasks done may prove difficult (going the the bathroom immediately springs to mind), but who cares when your nails look this bitchin', right?