Autopsy or Delicious Treat? You decide.

Noticed this one out of the corner of my eye and did a double take, 'cause I was sure it was a still shot from an autopsy. Instead, it's a King Cake -- the well-known traditional cake for Mardi Gras celebrations. Now, ask yourself: Would you wanna eat this:

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah and fucked up real good.

Or this?

What a King Cake SHOULD look like.

Yea, I thought as much.

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Sexist video games? What will they think of next?

Um, when did video games with dragons in them become an irresistible draw for all women? The dudes who cooked this shit up think because this game allows the player to "nurture a baby dragon," it's got women written all over it. They actually got a brass pair big enough to link raising a virtual baby dragon to motherhood -- 'cause you know, the two are sooooooo similar. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time one of my friends with children said: "Gosh, this kid can breathe fire like nobody's business, you know, just like a baby dragon. I'm so glad I played that video game before having a family. Really prepped me for real life."

Well, ain't this a bitch?

Schadenfreude, my friends. Schadenfreude. Leave it up to the Germans to create a single word that literally means: taking joy in other people's sorrows. (Before any Germans get all defensive, relax, I'm one of you. Though God only knows where I got my humor. Let's face it, you are not a funny people. But I digress.) 

Schadenfreude is summed up perfectly in this dumb Facebook ad:

Tired of combing through Web search upon Web search for funny accident photos of people knee-deep in the shit of their lives? Now you don't have to: Some sick fuck cataloged 'em up real good for you.

"Accidents suck." Yes, yes they do. But when they're someone else's accidents, well then it's a belly-laughing free-for-frickin'-all. Drink up, 'cause Bobby just drove his car right into Tommy's pool! Wooooooooooo! Sucks to be them right now.

Just remember, karma's a real bitch.

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A Tale as Old as Time

You'll laugh. You'll cry. Mainly, you'll be confused, but that's not important. One day, they'll rule us all -- but for now, enjoy the bittersweet story of two robots daring to fall in love. Have a box of tissues, a can of oil and a USB port handy.

Tech it out!

Looking for a new career? Consider becoming an Ultrasound Technician. Think about it, you can look inside people -- and, based on the image in this ad, in as little as 18 month you can compare tiny plastic babies to the real thing. Not just anyone can do that, you know. You need a degree. And a very tiny plastic baby.

Everything Old is New Again

...and the award for Oldest-Looking 22-Year-Old goes to: this guy on the Florida state driver's license. He may have arthritis, but this young whippersnapper qualifies for insurance rates as low as $14.98 per month. So he's saddled with always being the one in his posse to pony up for alcohol, it's the least he can do considering he's saving all that money on car insurance.

Downward Facing Dope

So, let me get this straight -- if I refinance, I'll become bendy? Well, sign me up! Oh, and where's the bridge in Brooklyn that's for sale? Might as well get in on that deal, too!

"I'm happy I lost my job."

Everyone's had the unfortunate experience of losing a job, but there's always a silver lining. Take these fine ladies, for example. Sure, they coulda let being laid off really get to them -- but NO! They used their ingenuity take them to Google, where they now earn $7,000 a month from just a $1 investment. Sure, it sounds like a get-rich pyramid scheme that sounds too good to be true, but how else do you explain how they paid for those skimpy bikinis? Hmm? Yeah, next time you go being all cynical and shit, you just think about that.

Give the gift of excruciating pain!

It's like Groupon has access to my brain. How did they know I wanted a manicure that would polish up my nails real pretty, but also provide me with Wolverine-like claws perfect for self-defense? I mean, who wouldn't wanna walk around with razor-sharp claws? Sure, getting everyday tasks done may prove difficult (going the the bathroom immediately springs to mind), but who cares when your nails look this bitchin', right?