Church Ladies

Dumb Facebook Ads' first viewer submission comes from Nick, who passed along this strange gem:

"This appeared in my sidebar this morning; I need to find out what church that is...." -Nick 


LOL, good luck on your mission! And, thanks for the send.


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Become a Nurse!

Into anime porn? Thinking of becoming a nurse? Well, you're in luck: Your favorite pastime and your career path have just been gene spliced into one convenient course of study! Imagine -- in just a short time you'll be donning that retro pink nurse's uniform and helping sick people in your community. Or, if you can't pass the boards (and something tells me that's a very distinct possibility considering your predilection for anime porn) you can just keep the uniform for those endless nights of LARPing.

Shark Week!

I know people who live in California -- and this may come as some surprise to the fine marketing team who created this Facebook ad -- none of them wrestle great white sharks.* I think it's a fair assumption that 99.9% of the people who reside in California don't engage in this activity. And, the other .1% probably don't do it on purpose, since they're likely just trying to catch a righteous wave, dude.

*...but if you're going to wrestle a shark, this is probably the best position to be in.

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For the S&M buff who has everything...

You may be asking yourself: Who would need a leather desk dog? Who, indeed? But, should you find that person (or be that person), this handy desktop accessory makes the perfect gift. Plus, it's a good conversational piece -- or a very good way to keep certain coworkers from speaking to you in the first place. Then again, you may draw the kind of attention you never, in your wildest dreams, anticipated.

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

Ladies, we all know the one and only reason a man pursues you is because he's lured to the scent of your deodorant. So, when you wanna snag a hot POA, all you hafta do is lather on a thick application of anti-perspirant and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

Apparently, you'll be courting male suitors of the human variety, but paranormal types as well. Be sure to consult your Guide to Cryptozoology before leaving the house. Battling a vampire is quite different than fending off a werewolf. When in doubt, carry a silver bullet and pop some Garlique.

Admit it.

You can't wait for the day your kids fly the coop. You never really liked them to begin with. So, what more fitting gesture than to toss their asses out with a parting gift? Consider: Cardboard Furniture. It's cheap AND practical -- 'cause when they call to ask you to wire some cash for their heating bill, you can always tell them to just use the "furniture" as kindling.

Um...

If the world ended in 2012, then who's going to be around to "rebuild" it? This must be one difficult game.

Well, it worked...

...you got me to look, but there ain't no way I'm gonna refinance anything with your company. Could you have picked a creepier looking specimen? No, that's not a dare. Don't try. Please.

New City, New Fish -- Same Dumb Ad

OK. If I wasn't from NY, based on Facebook sponsored ads alone, I'd think it was the most bitchin' place to catch GI-NORM-OUS iridescent fish. FYI -- it's not. Oh, and that's also true of ANYWHERE ELSE ON EARTH.

It's an epidemic!

I dunno, now it's happening in Jersey City. Go figure.

Gone Fishing?

There are definitely 365 things to do in Staten Island, but I'm pretty sure catching a gi-norm-ous iridescent fish isn't one of them. Thanks Facebook ads for relevant suggestions, as always. (Oh, and btw, if you are trying to drum up traffic to Staten Island -- you might want to actually spell it right. Just a thought.)

Just what I needed!

Groupon, you nailed it! I've been tirelessly searching for a place where I can be professionally photographed with an abnormally large domesticated cat. Kudos!!!